The Earth's rotation

It's amazing how priorities change. How we do a 360 on the things that we so badly wanted in the past...

Every morning, I hop on the scale and yelp at how the numbers stay stagnant and every evening,  I attempt suicide with the push ups and the burpees and the lunges. I starve myself during the day , then wake up at midnight to soak garri and groundnut. Sigh...

Lets now flashback to a few years ago and an embarrassing episode I had. That would been my second or third year. Our church had their cultural sunday. That meant we had to wear some form of native attire.

Two tiny problems though. First I didn't have a single native apparel to my name. No not one!  Not even a scarf.
This was easily solved. I went home and borrowed my mom's Iro and Buba. Made with white satin or silk and green embroidery. Very regal looking. I was going to be very very hot ! I had such great plans.

Then the second wahala... I was as skinny as a rake. Imagine Johnny Bravo...wide shoulders and nothing else below that...
Yup! Na me be that.
But I have always been smart. So on Sunday, I first wore a bum short, then a bigger short. To these,  I added my long underskirt aka 'Shimi' before I finally tied the Buba on top. The transfiguration was something else. I now mounted my 6 inch stilettos. Hot girl all packaged and ready to be shipped!

The distance from Babs (my hostel) to St. Mulumba's Catholic Church wasn't that far. But thanks to the tight Buba and the shoes, I decided to take a bike. Not too far from the hostel, my village people came calling!  They carried the hem of the Buba and twisted it into the wheel of the bike. The thing dragged me off the motorcyle and the bikeman , oblivous to my plight drove on. I mean literally drove on! I was that skinny and weightless! Not until his attention was drawn by the people nearby did the man stop. After like 2 poles. Kai!


My outfit was in tatters. The foundation I had so strongly laid beneath was in shreds. The wrapper was still attached to the wheel of the bike.

"Bring Scissors! Cut off the dress!"

What a bunch of jokers. They wanted to embarass their village people not me.

"Nooo! Leave it! I can free it!" Me sef yelled back at them.

What's that adage again? 'When breeze blow, you go see fowl nyash'

See as the nonsense people wanted to cut the wrapper and the whole world would have seen all the things home girl was wearing under.

Me , I jejely gently freed myself; wrapped my self as much as I could; removed the shoes and trekked back with as much dignity as I could muster. No church for that day abeg.

Now see that same girl trying to be skinny again.  Na wa o!