That Ibadan Wedding
Diary of an Oke Efe girl
Went for a wedding. Smelt very nice. Did some serious damage to Amala and Ewedu plus asun and small chops. Later took a good look at the mirror and saw that while I slept the enemy sowed 3-5 kg of fat in my face, arms and everywhere. I swear, I have no hand in this one o! Maybe my village people projected the fat into me. I'll have to meet my Pastor for prayers.
Took lots of selfies and videos. Darn! I think I looked positively hot in each pix. The only thing was that I nearly blinded myself trying to wear my baby girl for life fake lashes. See gum everywhere o! My eye see pepper . Anyway sha, I was looking peng and no one saw my hustle . Will go to my grave with that secret. That wahala sef dey suck feeding bottle to the agony of removing the contact lenses from my eye afterwards with fixed nails. At a point, the yeye thing go hide for one corner of the eye and I had a mini panic attack. Thought the thing don loss...I don't know why I even bother.
Performed my default duty at every wedding that I attend: picked up the money sprayed at the couple and turned Bureau de change; small bills for large ones. Nigerians! Spray your 1k and come and be going o! We are no longer deceived. The bride knows exactly how much each person sprayed. Its not by the how many hours you stand there. Realised I was getting old as I couldn't bend as fast as I used to so I recruited my 6 year old niece to pick the cash while I sorted and changed. I am a good teacher... Taught her all I have learnt as a wedding money picker for the past 15 years in about 5 minutes... Maybe I should open a school.
Exchanged numbers with Family I haven't seen in ages and new friends.
Was pissed when I danced all the kelenkedima and zanku I know and no one sprayed me. God save this people that Uncle Raymond finally sprayed me some mint. I for cry there. For their mind, them dey think say I be big woman and no need money. Nonsense! Even Dangote dey collect two bottle water for occasion.
High point of the day was hanging out with my 6 year old niece. Her cho cho cho seems to be a family disease. The girl can talk. See big big grammar.
One uncle buzzed me after viewing my status update and said I am an enjoyer. Hmm. If only he knows say all na packaging.
Brb. Let me go and eat the takeaway small chops and asun I came back with first. Then I'll call Pastor to start prayers about this strange weight gain....
Went for a wedding. Smelt very nice. Did some serious damage to Amala and Ewedu plus asun and small chops. Later took a good look at the mirror and saw that while I slept the enemy sowed 3-5 kg of fat in my face, arms and everywhere. I swear, I have no hand in this one o! Maybe my village people projected the fat into me. I'll have to meet my Pastor for prayers.
Took lots of selfies and videos. Darn! I think I looked positively hot in each pix. The only thing was that I nearly blinded myself trying to wear my baby girl for life fake lashes. See gum everywhere o! My eye see pepper . Anyway sha, I was looking peng and no one saw my hustle . Will go to my grave with that secret. That wahala sef dey suck feeding bottle to the agony of removing the contact lenses from my eye afterwards with fixed nails. At a point, the yeye thing go hide for one corner of the eye and I had a mini panic attack. Thought the thing don loss...I don't know why I even bother.
Performed my default duty at every wedding that I attend: picked up the money sprayed at the couple and turned Bureau de change; small bills for large ones. Nigerians! Spray your 1k and come and be going o! We are no longer deceived. The bride knows exactly how much each person sprayed. Its not by the how many hours you stand there. Realised I was getting old as I couldn't bend as fast as I used to so I recruited my 6 year old niece to pick the cash while I sorted and changed. I am a good teacher... Taught her all I have learnt as a wedding money picker for the past 15 years in about 5 minutes... Maybe I should open a school.
Exchanged numbers with Family I haven't seen in ages and new friends.
Was pissed when I danced all the kelenkedima and zanku I know and no one sprayed me. God save this people that Uncle Raymond finally sprayed me some mint. I for cry there. For their mind, them dey think say I be big woman and no need money. Nonsense! Even Dangote dey collect two bottle water for occasion.
High point of the day was hanging out with my 6 year old niece. Her cho cho cho seems to be a family disease. The girl can talk. See big big grammar.
One uncle buzzed me after viewing my status update and said I am an enjoyer. Hmm. If only he knows say all na packaging.
Brb. Let me go and eat the takeaway small chops and asun I came back with first. Then I'll call Pastor to start prayers about this strange weight gain....
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